oops. XD

i think i hurt someone's pathetic little feelings today.
oops. oh well.

stfu.

here's a thought: go fuck yourself.
i like that no one reads this.
that no one seems to remember it was here at all.

that makes me happy.

i wrote my friend a story today.
it was supposed to be cute and fluffy.
it turned out sick and dark.

for some reason whenever i start typing without thinking. the words always start out fluffy and become more vulgar as they go along.. all twisted and angsty. ::dies.::
::is secretly addicted to angst.::

i hate when people have secrets.
even though i have secrets.

i just. don't like. not knowing things.
it almost makes me feel like people are doing horrible, horrible things.
dunno. it drives me crazy. hence the. "here's a thought: go fuck yourself."

hide whatever the fuck you want.
i'll eventually find out anyway. so fuck you.
you shouldn't have hidden it from me in the first place. so fuck you.
and just in case you didn't catch that. fuck you.

i still can't figure out whether or not i want to be dead.

i'm constantly fantasizing about death. my big problem is just that i don't want to fuck it up. really. i can't afford to.
i don't have the money for hospital visits. car repairs. things like that. you know?

i'll want to die for days on end. and then suddenly. i'll want to live. because i suddenly realize that i hate everyone?

i think i've figured out what i'll do with myself now: live. out of spite. ::shrug.::

i want to paint myself in my own blood.
i want my skin to be nothing but scars.

i want to be the most beautiful creature ever to live.

i feel like writing lately. i think maybe i'll try and get back into that?

busy.

sorry. haven't had a chance to update since my deleting spree.

been busy.

i need to work more. because i need. a lot more money than i've got. ::sigh.::

and that sucks. but. there's really nothing i can do about it. soooo. fuck it.

delete.

i decided to make a new start here. again.
so i've deleted everything. again.

some of what you may have missed:

[x] three years ago for halloween. two of the options on my 'what should i be for halloween' poll were Quagmire, from family guy... and Tweek from southpark.

[x] despite the fact that they were animated. i had giant crushes on Ni from Saiyuki and Muraki from Decendants of darkness for a really long time.
apparently. i had^have a thing for creepy men with glasses? ^^

[x] the blue shirt incident:  "i don't know why they're out looking for a blue shirt... and i don't care... all i know. is that they keep ending up naked. and it's hot.."

[x] the release of the Saiyuki movie and the similarly timed deaths of thousands of fangirls. then again. fangirls + Goyjo + shower scene... 'nuff said.
i suppose after that. there really wasn't anything left for them to live for. and they could all die happy.

[x] for a while i had a crush on braden hunt. er. his voice anyway. he's generally cute. but mostly... it was his laugh. he had a pretty laugh.

[x] and. i liked to post a lot of quizes.